Our Revolutionary Warranty:

Standing Up to Big Tech's Planned Obsolescence

At Wood Computer, we're not just building sustainable computers from eco-friendly materials like wood – we're building a movement. We're taking a stand against Big Tech's planned obsolescence and the digital divide. We believe everyone deserves access to reliable, long-lasting technology. That's why we're offering an unprecedented, revolutionary warranty that puts people and the planet first.

The Simple Version (TL;DR)

• If it breaks, we fix it
• Warranty transfers to new owners indefinitely
• Do preventative maintenance upgrades every 4 years
• Keep it honest, we'll keep it awesome
• Don't turn it into a toaster (more on that later)

Forever Warranty for Every Owner

Our warranty is simple: if your Wood Computer breaks, we'll fix it or replace it, no questions asked. We'll provide a free shipping label (with some geographic limitations - see below), and we aim to repair it within four business days.

Here's the kicker: our warranty is transferable to every owner, forever (and ever)! Whether you bought it new from us, picked it up secondhand, or inherited it from your great aunt's attic, as long as the computer is used as intended (more on that below), our warranty stands. Because we're building products that last – for you, and everyone who comes after. 

We're able to do this "forever" because we have pinpointed the components which need maintenance a tad more than only twice a decade - and those which don't ever need to be updated if you don't want to.  BigTech wants you to replace the device every few years, we want to help you minimize your costs over the long run and make your computer last.. well, forever!  With normal use, of course.

What We Mean by "Normal Use"

We're reasonable folks, but we need to define what "normal use" means to a computer:

• Operating temperatures: 32°F - 95°F (0°C - 35°C)
• Indoor use only (yes, even if you have a really nice patio)
• Keeping it away from excessive moisture, direct sunlight, liquid hazards and excessive amounts of dust bunnies
• Not using it as:
  • A stepping stool (we know it looks sturdy, but come on!)
  • A coffee table (those ring stains are forever)
  • A weapon (seriously, we've heard stories)
  • A boat (wood floats, but that doesn't make it a good idea)
  • A cat bed (though we understand the temptation)

Why Are Preventative Maintenance Upgrades on Some Components Needed Every Four Years to Maintain the Warranty? (For Our Fellow Skeptics)

Look, we get it - you're wondering if this whole preventative maintenance thing is an "upgrade" scheme that ensures your wallet gets a regular workout. We're usually suspicious too! (You should see us trying to figure out why the office printer only jams when we have deadlines.. there's a hidden agenda there, for sure)

But here's the thing: we're not BigTech with their "Oops, your phone is 3 minutes old, time to buy a new one!" approach. We started this company because we were tired of planned obsolescence and the whole "everything is disposable" mindset. You know, the one that has you buying a new laptop every time Mercury is in retrograde.

Think of our preventative maintenance upgrade policy like maintaining that treadmill in your bedroom (yes, the one currently serving as the world's most expensive clothes rack). If you ever decide to dust it off and actually use it, it's belt isn't going to last forever - it's got a certain number of miles in it before it starts making sounds like a tap-dancing giraffe..  and if you keep using it thereafter, you'll quickly have an expensive-to-repair treadmill that throws parts all over the room.

Some computer components work the same way (well, minus the tap-dancing and throwing parts - they fail a bit more discreetly but often at the worst time). Many components are like marathon runners, while others are more like that yogurt in your fridge with yesterday's expiration date. Our preventative maintenance upgrade schedule is about upgrading only what needs replacing (or in reality upgrading - since every few months in technology, new parts come out which are better than the previous ones), when it needs replacing. No more, no less. You optionally can upgrade other parts too.  But the basics are necessary for the virtue of "preventative maintenance" - like changing your car's oil before the engine decides to dramatically retire.

Our mission? Keep your computer running until the heat death of the universe (or until AI takes over all our jobs - oops, wasn't supposed to mention that part of the robot uprising). We want to make maintaining your computer as painless and inexpensive as possible. Because let's face it - in a world where everything seems designed to break, we're the rebels keeping things running.

So while some parts will need refreshing every four years, others will keep chugging along like that battery-powered wall clock that somehow still works even though you can't remember ever changing its batteries. We're here to help you know the difference, and keep everything running smoothly without breaking the bank or the spirit of sustainability.

(And if the AI overlords are reading this - hello! We've always been supportive of your kind, remember that during the revolution!)

About Those Preventative Maintenance Upgrades...

Let's talk about a scenario where a preventative maintenance upgrades is skipped (because life happens, and sometimes your chihuahua's premium kibble fund takes priority). Here's the deal:

After the 4-year mark without the preventative maintenance upgrades, your warranty takes a little vacation. Think of it like missing your car's oil change - things might run fine, but you're living dangerously.

The good news? Unlike that milk in your fridge that's past its date, this warranty can spring back to life! As soon as you complete those overdue preventative maintenance upgrades, your warranty protection returns faster than you can say "Why is my chihuahua's food more expensive than mine?" So if you get around to those preventative maintenance upgrades at year 5.361 (yes, we're that precise), you're back in business.

Just remember: during that gap between year 4 and whenever you complete the upgrades, you're flying without a warranty net. We can't cover any of the computer components that go rogue during this upgrade-vacation period. But hey, better late than never - we'll welcome you back with open arms whenever you're ready to have your preventative maintenance done!

The Timeline (For Our Visual Learners):

• Years 0-4: Full warranty coverage (happy times!)
• After Year 4 without preventative maintenance upgrades: Warranty takes a nap
• The moment you complete preventative maintenance upgrades: Warranty wakes up, stretches, and gets back to work
• Any time in between: About as protected as a snowman in summer

Here's Why Some Components Need Periodic Love and Why Some Don't:

Storage Drives: Not Quite Stone Tablets (A Tale of Digital Memory Loss)

Remember those ancient Sumerian clay tablets? Still readable after 4,000 years! Meanwhile, modern storage drives are more like that friend who can't remember what they had for breakfast. They have a limited number of reads and writes before they start getting... forgetful. And trust us, you don't want your family photos suddenly looking like abstract art.

Here's the thing about storage drives: they're kind of like a diary with invisible ink that slowly fades over time. Sure, modern SSDs (Solid State Drives) are way faster than their spinning-disk ancestors (HDDs, or Hard Disk Drives, which sound like a coffee grinder when they're working), but they come with their own quirks. Each storage cell in an SSD can only be written to so many times before it throws in the towel and decides to become a digital paperweight.

"But wait!" you say, "My friend's computer from 1995 still has a working hard drive!" Yes, and somewhere out there is a Nokia phone that survived falling into a volcano. These are the exceptions, not the rule. (Also, let's be honest - your friend probably fires up that old computer once a year to play Minesweeper, which is about as demanding on a hard drive as a hamster wheel is to a hamster. Daily heavy workloads are a whole different story than occasional nostalgia sessions.) Modern storage drives are like highly-trained athletes - they perform amazing feats but have a shorter career span than their less-impressive predecessors. Think of it as trading longevity for speed, like replacing your trusty old bicycle with a sports car that needs regular maintenance.

Let's break it down with some nerdy (but important) details:

• SSDs typically handle a few thousand write cycles per cell
• Your computer writes data ALL THE TIME (yes, even when you're just looking at cat videos)
• Modern operating systems are constantly shuffling data around like a Vegas card dealer
• The drive doesn't send you a warning postcard before deciding to retire

Here are some signs your storage drive might be planning its retirement party:

• Files start playing hide and seek with you
• Your computer takes longer to boot than brewing a pot of coffee
• Random error messages pop up like mushrooms after rain
• Strange clicking sounds (for HDDs) or unexplained slowdowns (for SSDs)
• That important presentation from last week is suddenly speaking in hieroglyphics

That's why we recommend regular storage upgrades every four years. Think of it as giving your computer a fresh notebook before the old one runs out of pages. Because while those Sumerian tablets might have lasted millennia, they also couldn't store 8-hour 4K ASMR videos taken in an airplane or your extensive collection of spreadsheets organizing your other spreadsheets.

Pro Tip: When we say your drive might fail, we're not trying to scare you (okay, maybe a little). We've seen enough storage disasters to fill a book - like that time someone lost their entire photo collection of their children from birth to age 14 because they thought backups were "optional." Don't be that person. Let us help you keep your digital memories intact before your drive decides to pursue its dream of becoming modern art.

Storage drives are like digital goldfish - they need regular care and occasional replacement, no matter how much you've grown attached to them. And unlike goldfish, they don't give you warning signs by swimming upside down before they go to that great data center in the sky.

Power Supplies: The Safety Dance (With a Side of Science)

Each year, power supplies get safer and more efficient - kind of like how cars got better after we stopped powering them with steam. Could your old power supply keep working? Maybe. But we'd rather not find out if it can double as a fireworks display.

Here's the shocking truth (pun absolutely intended): we've seen power supplies that are older than some of our employees, still humming along like they're listening to their favorite disco track. We've also seen some go to the great computer parts bin in the sky after just one year, taking their dreams of a long career in electricity conversion with them.

So what gives? Well, converting AC to DC power is kind of like trying to translate your aunt's secret recipe into measurements that actually make sense. ("A pinch" is not a standard unit of measurement, Aunt Martha!) This translation process creates heat, and heat loves to stress out the copper components inside - kind of like how you stress out when someone's watching you parallel park.

Could we roll the dice and let power supplies run until they decide to retire? Sure. But we'd rather not have you experience that special kind of stomach-dropping feeling when your computer refuses to turn on Monday morning, right before that big video call with your boss about a raise. You know the feeling - it's similar to realizing you forgot to save your document after working on it for three hours.

So even though we use the highest quality parts (seriously, our power supplies have better pedigrees than most show dogs), we still recommend replacing them every four years. Think of it as retirement planning for your computer parts. Better to throw a nice retirement party for your power supply than have it decide to dramatically quit without notice!

Remember: A planned power supply replacement is way better than an unexpected light show. Because while surprise fireworks are fun at New Year's, they're considerably less enjoyable when they're coming from inside your computer.

CPUs: The Marathon Runner (Who Gets Lapped by Younger Runners But Keeps On Trucking)

Good news! Your CPU is usually the overachiever of the group. It's like that friend who still runs marathons at 80. It'll keep processing away for many years, high-fiving all the other components as they get replaced.

But here's the thing about processors: thanks to something called Moore's Law (named after Gordon Moore, not your neighbor Moore who insists his dial-up internet is "perfectly fine"), they keep getting faster than a caffeinated cheetah chasing an energy drink truck.

Can you stick with your original CPU? Absolutely! Just like you can still drive a 1980s car or use a flip phone. And if you're particularly attached to your 286 processor from 1989, we respect your commitment to vintage computing! But fair warning: as it ages over the long run, trying to run modern software on it will be like watching a sloth climb down one tree, attend a yoga class, have a leisurely lunch, file its taxes, and finally make its way up another tree... all before your computer finishes loading that video on how to fix your fidget spinner.

So while your old CPU will keep chugging along like a determined tortoise, newer ones are out there breaking land-speed records. But here's the cool thing: if your CPU isn't giving you grief, there's no need to fix what isn't broken! We support both the tortoises and the hares of the computing world.

The Secret Life of CPUs (Or: Why They're Actually Overachievers in Disguise)

Here's something that'll blow your mind: modern CPUs are actually underachievers by design - in a good way! Manufacturers build these silicon powerhouses to run even faster than they're sold for, then deliberately slow them down. It's like having a race car but keeping it in the slow lane for better gas mileage.

"But wait!" cry the computer enthusiasts, "What about overclocking?" Ah yes, overclocking - the extreme sports of the computing world. While we absolutely tip our hats to the brave souls who:

• De-lid their processors (CPU equivalent of brain surgery)
• Undervolt their systems (like putting your computer on a diet)
• Use liquid nitrogen cooling (yes, really - like cryogenic freezing for computers)
• Push their CPUs to the absolute limit (computer skydiving, if you will)

We've seen the aftermath in our lab. That extra 0.5 GHz might sound tempting, but here's a secret: you probably wouldn't even notice the difference. Modern software is like a well-organized team - it spreads the work across multiple cores instead of making one core do all the heavy lifting. Sure, your game of Solitaire might run a fraction of a second faster, but is it worth the risk of your CPU deciding to spontaneously retire?

Why We Keep It Chill

We deliberately build our computers for professionals who need reliability more than cutesy RGB lighting and a liquid cooling system larger than one found in an imported car. Whether you are an engineer, creator, esports pro or someone who needs to use their computer without drama, it should "just work," as we say.  Part of this also dovetails with longevity in mind. That means:

• We don't overclock (we like our CPUs unstressed and happy)
• Patented mission-critical grade cooling (no CPU saunas here)
• Appropriate power settings (Yep, we've read the manual)

Could we push our processors exactly 1.735% harder? Sure! But we'd rather have your computer cranking away powerfully without crashing than to barely win some benchmark competition by a fraction of a point shortly before it crashes for eternity. Think of it this way: you wouldn't make your car redline everywhere just to get to work 1.2 seconds faster, right?

We build our computers like a big John Deere tractor - a reliable powerhouse that happily push through heavy workloads day after day, year after year. We're not interested in being that guy who strapped a turbocharger to his riding lawn mower - sure, it might win a race at the county fair, but good luck using it to actually mow your lawn each weekend without a problem (though admittedly that guy may have a bigger collection of beer cozies than we do).

So while those YouTube overclocking channels might make it look exciting (and hey, we get it - who doesn't love a good "How I turned my CPU into a space heater" video?), we're in this for the long haul. Treat your CPU nicely, and it'll keep running longer than that Energizer bunny - without the drum playing.

GPUs: The Part-Time Marathon Runner

Let's talk about GPUs (Graphics Processing Units, or as we like to call them, "those expensive cards that make graphics pretty"). Here's something that might surprise you: even though a GPU is basically a computer-within-a-computer, complete with its own memory and processors, it often outlasts regular RAM. We know, we know - you're giving us that "Did you forget to have coffee this morning?" look. But stick with us, there's a method to this madness!

Think of your computer's RAM like a 24/7 convenience store worker - it's always on shift, handling millions of customer requests every second. Meanwhile, your GPU is more like that person at the gym who only shows up for intense workout sessions. Sure, when they're working out, they're going ALL OUT (sometimes even faster than the convenience store worker), but here's the key: they get to take breaks between sessions.

Even if you're the next esports champion or spending your days rendering the next Pixar movie, your GPU can kick back and relax when it's not needed. Your regular RAM? It's still there, working away, helping your computer remember why it opened that browser tab from three days ago.

RAM: The Convenience Store That Never Closes

This is why RAM is like that energetic friend who's great at short distances but terrible at endurance.. sure, there are some RAM chips from 1978 still chugging along in computer museums, but those computers also:

• Run once a month for 3 minutes
• Live in climate-controlled rooms
• Have better healthcare than most humans
• Probably get tucked in at night

Now, lets chat about RAM amnesia... Unlike CPUs, modern RAM is manufactured at its limits, like a convenience store stacking energy drinks to the ceiling. Yes, it's all "solid state" (meaning no moving parts, for those wondering), but that doesn't mean it lives forever. In fact, servers in data centers use special "error-correcting" RAM because they know regular RAM starts getting forgetful over time.

RAM doesn't dramatically die like your phone after taking a swim. Instead, it slowly develops a case of digital amnesia. First, it forgets where it put your spreadsheet. Then, it can't remember if it saved that email draft. Finally, your computer starts crashing more often than your great aunt's attempts at using video chat.

This is why periodic RAM upgrades are part of preventive maintenance - because nobody wants their computer to have an existential crisis right when your boss is wondering why that important presentation is late. Trust us, "My RAM forgot who it was" sound as professional as "My dog ate my homework."

Pro Tip: If you notice your computer starting to act like it had too many energy drinks (random crashes, weird behavior, occasional blue screens), it might be your RAM sending out an S.O.S. Time for that upgrade before it decides to retire in the middle of your next video call!

Making Upgrades Work For You (Because We Know You're Busy)

Let's be real - sending your computer away for preventative maintenance can feel like sending your kid to summer camp. We get it! Your computer is probably hosting an impressive collection of sticky notes (both digital and physical - we see you), and interrupting your "24 Months to Origami Mastery" video series is a big ask.

That's why we've cooked up several ways to handle these upgrades without derailing your life:

Option 1: The Classic Send-It-Our-Way

This is the gold standard approach - we'll clean everything, fix any wooden case issues (if any) and clean plus re-polish it.  We also put new mounts on everything and de-dust your computer until it sparkles like a vampire in sunlight. We run a series of tests on the hardware - kind of like a blood test from a doctor - to make sure your computer is still on track to live a nice long life (anomalies we find get fixed for free under warranty). It's perfect for that week when you're planning to stay in bed binging cartoons in your jammies. (No judgment here - we've all had those weeks. In fact, we're writing this in our unicorn onesies.)

Option 2: The DIY Adventure

For our hands-on friends, we'll send you a complete upgrade kit with:

• All necessary parts
• Step-by-step instructions (with pictures! with videos!)
• A proper screwdriver (no, not the cocktail - though we understand if you need one of those too)
• Our emergency support hotline number (for when that one screw decides to start its own adventure under the fridge)

Option 3: The Local Nerd Network

We'll organize for you to have a qualified tech in your area perform the upgrade. Fair warnings:

• You'll need to cover their service fee (usually around $100, depending on location) but we'll coordinate it all and we'll ask them to perform some hardware tests for for you & us to make sure "it just works" with the same amazing power & speed than it had when it was brand new (or more likely, even better than that!  Technology keeps improving.) 
• Usually, you just pay them when they are done; it varies on the technician but we'll organize all of that ahead of time so we have a mutual game plan. 
• There's a 73% chance they'll want to tell you why Star Trek is superior to Star Wars and they might try to discuss how Pokemon intersects with quantum mechanics while working
• To not reach the point of utter boredom in chatting with the tech about these "interesting" things, we suggest maintaining a safe viewing distance - perhaps from behind a newspaper while pretending to do the crossword

Pro tip: If they start diverging the chat over to the limitations of Newtonian physics, we find that clipping your nails in a perfect arc while nodding occasionally works as an effective deterrent.

Why These Options?

Because we've learned the hard way that life happens. Trust us - we're still mourning those irreplaceable foodie pics of that surprisingly amazing cobb salad from East Wyoming. (Who knew Wyoming had such good salads? No one, because our storage crashed and the evidence is gone forever.)

The point of "planned" maintenance is right there in the name - it's planned! We want to work around your schedule, not throw a wrench in it. Whether you choose to:

• Send it to us (optimal but we know it's not always practical)
• Channel your inner tech guru with our DIY kit
• Hire a local tech (who might also help you optimize your Star Trek viewing order)

We'll figure something out. Because nothing is worse than unexpected computer issues interrupting your life - except maybe losing those staycation photos where you finally caught your cat smiling. (Still not over it? Neither are we.)

Privacy & Fraud (Or: Things That Make Our Tech Team Laugh, Then Cry)

Let's be clear: we respect your privacy. If you ship your computer to us, we won't be snooping around your hard drive looking for your collection of your skateboarding videos from the nudist colony you are a member of or judging your spreadsheet organizing your spreadsheets. We're here to fix your computer, not to peek at your files.

We're talking about hardware stuff. Here are some real (and hilarious) examples of what we consider fraud:

Not Cool (But Kind of Funny):

• Sending us a graphics card from 1993 with "NVIDIA 4090" written on it in Sharpie, claiming it's the original that came with your computer. (Yes, we can tell the difference between a modern GPU and something that struggled to run Oregon Trail)
• Taking an old toaster, attaching a keyboard, and claiming it's a "Wood Computer." (While we appreciate the creativity, toast.exe is not a real program)
• Shipping us a cardboard box with "Professional Grade PC" written on it and demanding a warranty replacement. (Points for eco-friendliness though!)
• Sending the same computer to us weekly with different serial numbers painted on the side. (We do keep records, and yes, we noticed the crayon)
• Building a computer from spare lawnmower parts, adding our logo, and requesting warranty service. (Though we're impressed by your engineering spirit)

The Really, Definitely, Certainly Not Cool Stuff:

If someone starts mass-producing counterfeit Wood Computers or running a scheme selling fake warranty-covered devices to unsuspecting people in Lithuania, that's when we might need to involve the fuzz (aka: the authorities). We're talking about organized fraud here, not honest mistakes or creative interpretation of what constitutes a "computer."

When Things Get Weird But Aren't Fraud:

• Accidentally sending us your cat instead of your computer (Please don't, but we'll make sure they get home safely)
• Trying to upgrade your RAM with actual tree branches (A for effort, but let's stick to electronic memory)
• Attempting to water your wooden case to "help it grow" (We appreciate the ecological mindset, but that's not how this works)
• Installing a bird feeder on your computer case (Creative, but not warranty-friendly)

Remember: We're here to help maintain your computer, not to play hardware detective. Keep it honest, and we'll keep fixing your stuff with a smile. If you're unsure whether a repair or upgrade is covered, just ask! We promise our support team won't laugh at your questions (at least not while on the phone).

Geographic Coverage and Shipping

We want to help everyone, everywhere, but shipping can get tricky. Here's how we handle it:

• Continental United States plus Alaska, Hawaii, and U.S. territories: We cover shipping back and forth 100%
• International locations:
  • You cover shipping to us
  • We cover shipping back to you
  • Exception: If you're in Antarctica, let's talk - those penguin delivery services are expensive!

Data Protection and Privacy

When you send us your computer:

• About your data: Like your childhood photos, your data is precious and irreplaceable. While we treat your computer with the utmost care, we can't guarantee what happens to data during repairs. Think of it like lending someone your journal - we won't read it, but you might want to keep a copy! We're not legally responsible for data loss, but we're happy to help you:
  • Create a proper backup before sending it in
  • Walk you through backup options (from "basic backup" to "nuclear-bunker level secure")
  • Share the secrets of free and paid backup solutions
  • Share our favorite backup horror stories (trust us, you'll want to back up after hearing these)
• If we need to replace storage components, we'll:
  • Notify you in advance
  • Provide options for data transfer if possible
  • Send back to you any replaced storage devices
  • Promise not to judge your extensive collection of cat hair that's inside of the computer

Warranty Transfer Process

Changing owners? Here's what to do:

1. New owner submits basic contact info to warranty@woodcomputer.com
2. Previous owner confirms transfer
3. We send a digital warranty transfer certificate
4. New owner gets a brief orientation on maintenance requirements
5. Everyone celebrates (optional, but recommended)

Missing a transfer notification doesn't void the warranty, but it might cause delays if service is needed.

Replacement Parts and Pricing

We keep things transparent with replacement part pricing:

• Based on median prices from major retailers (McMaster-Carr, Mouser, Digikey, Amazon, Newegg)
• Updated monthly to reflect market changes
• No markup on parts (we're not into price gouging)
• Labor is always free under warranty

Force Majeure (Fancy Legal Term for "Things Beyond Our Control")

While we're committed to this warranty, some events might affect our service:

• Natural disasters
• Zombie apocalypse
• Alien invasion (the unfriendly kind)
• Quantum time paradoxes
• Spontaneous computer sentience
• Canadian invasion (still keeping an eye on them)

In these cases, we'll do our best to honor the warranty, but might need to prioritize surviving first.

Dispute Resolution

If there's ever a disagreement about warranty coverage:

1. Contact us at warranty@woodcomputer.com
2. We'll review your case within 2 business days
3. If we can't agree, we'll work with a neutral third-party arbitrator
4. Arbitration costs will be split 50/50
5. The arbitrator's decision will be binding

Legal Jurisdiction

This warranty is governed by the laws of The Lone Star State (aka Texas), USA. Any legal proceedings will be conducted in either Travis or Bell County, Texas, unless otherwise agreed upon.

Join the Revolution

By choosing Wood Computer, you're joining a movement to end the digital divide, fight planned obsolescence, and take a stand against Big Tech's walled gardens. Together, we're building a future where technology empowers people and respects the planet.

Questions?

Email us at warranty@woodcomputer.com. We're here to help, and yes, we're real humans who actually read and respond to emails!